Letters

Dear Josh,
Hope you are dead by now. I know it’s silly of me to write this letter. Given that dead mice can’t read. But still I am writing this letter hoping that if not your stinking body, at least your soul shall be literate enough to read this. I want to confess and explain a few things.

First of all, I never wanted to kill you. It was Ralph’s idea. I just wanted you out of my house. The mess that you caused when I was asleep (you have almost brought down the entire house), the embarrassment that you caused when I had guests was simply unbearable. And I guessed I had made myself clear when I tried to shoot you with that gun of mine before you ran back into your hole. But you never got the point. You were always this irritating piece of stinking flesh that liked to trouble me a lot. You might deny this to get yourself into the mice heaven. And I am not talking about my fridge. I am talking about the real mice heaven. But you know how irritating you were.

Second thing is that I wanted to apologize. Not for killing you. In fact I am a little glad that you are dead. When I said that I never wanted to kill you, I was lying. So I was saying. I wanted to apologize to you for killing you secretly. It’s not really my style. I would generally prefer to crush mice or just shoot them. But then you were too good to fall for any of these. That time when I made that whole contraption for you to die, I still don’t know how the hell you found out that it was actually a trap. Did you used to watch Tom and Jerry when I was not home?

Okay whatever. Third thing is that Ralph says hello. We are on a vacation. You may not know this. We left directly from Ralph’s house. As you already know, I haven’t been coming home for many nights now. It’s because of you making that noise. I just hate it. I wish like I could tie your tongue round your body twice. You could guess the magnitude of my anger from the way you died. Oh no wait I forgot. We chose Ralph’s way of killing you. See basically I wanted to blow you up and Ralph wanted to poison you. And we went with Ralph’s method because we need to show your body in the insurance claim. Okay that was a joke. I would like your departed soul to smile at least once. But then I guess it’s difficult to laugh on a joke made on your body like that. So I am sorry once again.

Anyways, I have to go now. Ralph and I are supposed to go see some museum. I hope there are no mice around there.

Hope you have taken the poison.

Your hopeful murderer
Joseph

P.S : There is no escaping. There is a back up plan. Ralph’s darling cat is waiting for you somewhere inside the house! So try to die in a very torturous way. That will make me and the cat feel good.

Reply from Josh.

Dear Joseph,
The cat ate the poison. It’s dead. I am sorry. Tell Ralph to let his future pet cat watch Tom and Jerry. Unpleasant surprises waiting for you back home. Come back soon. Missing you.

Your failed attempt
Kuzo

P.S : For the 100th time, my name is not Josh. It’s Kuzo.