Comedian

“Have you ever wondered whether other animals can talk to each other like us? Seriously. Isn’t there a possibility that they already do so? For example let’s take two dogs. Both are walking on the opposite side of the road in opposite directions until they see each other. Once they see each other, they start barking. Now barking is something that we interpret it as barking. Maybe they are actually talking to each other. I had a friend once who had actually done a PhD in this subject of animal interaction with each other. He got carried away by his subject and actually interpreted the lion showing its teeth to him as a smile given by the lion. And then when it came running towards him, he interpreted it as though the lion was coming to greet him in its territory. When the lion pounced, he said that this lion has been longing to love someone for a long time now. And then when the lion plucked his hand out, he learnt that he was after all wrong. Sadly enough he couldn’t publish his paper on this because he could no longer write.”

There was a small laugh among the audience. It was a restaurant for middle class people. It wasn’t well lit. A middle class man would have preferred to come there with his friends rather than his family. Not that it wasn’t a joyous place. Just that it was a place for friends to hang out together and have a good time.

“I always wondered why people drink stuff that contains alcohol so slowly. It’s like they raise the glass, touch their lips to it and then keep it down for another five minutes. Then after five minutes again they raise their glass, touch their lips to it and keep it down. Frankly speaking, I have never seen a person drink alcohol. I have just seen them touch it to their lips. And I always wonder why. I asked an alcohol kisser this question once. Why do you just kiss it and keep it back? I said. And he said ‘Consume it all in one shot and the next thing you know is you are dead.’ So the conclusion is that they just kiss the alcohol because they prefer a slow torturous death compared to a nice quick one.”

Again there were a little bit of smiles around. The stand-up comedian wasn’t really making good jokes. But he had that shine in his eyes and that confidence in himself to keep people’s ears open to him. So they were listening. And besides, they didn’t have any other option. You either listen to him talk or you just get up and walk away.

“The alcohol thing was just a joke by the way. It’s not true that alcohol kills you. I am guessing from the look on the manager’s face that he is trying to say that alcohol isn’t the only thing that can kill you.”

Smiles persist.

“So coming back to the animals thing, I was telling you about two dogs. My friend, before his hand was plucked out, was actually working on what dogs might be saying to each other. But then the mating season came in and my friend decided to let the dogs have their privacy. As if they really cared! Dude, it’s a dog we are talking about. It doesn’t care if you give it privacy or not. If it did care then it could have very well worn pants also to cover itself. And I don’t blame it. I wouldn’t care if a dog disturbs my privacy. My friend was a foolish person. No doubt he got his hand plucked out.”

People were now not much interested. They were ordering new dishes and few were leaving. The stand-up comedian was used to this. It was time for him to close his performance. He knew his humour wasn’t that great to keep these people glued to their seats. He just knew that he could manage to give them a happy time while they sat in front of him.

“That’s all my dear friends. Thanks for listening. I hope you all had a great time.”

There were a few claps. The comedian knew that these were from the people who really had a bad sense of humour. He knew that he had to do a lot more than this. His main aim in life was to make people laugh. As hard as he could. He liked it when he made them happy. And he knew there was a long way to go. He had to analyse his weaknesses and he had to grow and become better. Not that he would be fired from the place. He owned the place. Not many knew that. He wasn’t doing this for money. He was doing it as a passion. He was doing it to give people the happiness that they deserved but weren’t getting it because of the hectic life around them. He knew that the only way to live was to laugh. Because the day you stop laughing, you die. He had to work harder for the next performance now.


To be continued……………