The Whisperer

It’s always been a mystery to me. Whichever class I attend, or whichever speech I go to see, or whichever movie I am watching in the theatre, there is always a character around me. I don’t know who he is. But I call him the whisperer. I have never heard a loud voice come out of his mouth. He only whispers. So that most of the people around him can hear it. But the speaker or the teacher can’t. I always hear his words. In fact I concentrate more on his words than the other words which I am supposed to concentrate upon. I have never seen the whisperer. I tried to see once but it’s impossible to tell where the whisper came from. Obviously the whisperer hides himself for safety reasons. His whispered comments are generally not suitable for many people to hear. They are sarcastic comments. He has become really good at it. I don’t know if there is only one of them or many more. I haven’t really met a whisperer till today.

An alumnus of our college had come along with his friends. He had been very successful in his life. More successful than his fellow classmates who praised him in their speeches. The whisperer as usual was sitting somewhere near me. I didn’t know where exactly. But his comments were always there. One of the alumnus’ friend started giving a speech. (and the whisperer put his comments in too)

“Seventeen years ago, we guys were sitting at the same place as you are (listening to a stinking alumni speech). We were the best of friends…..and still are (you missed the future tense there!). This college did not just make a good engineer out of me, but also a good citizen of the nation. I learned the basic values of life in this college. I learned to make friends (Didn’t you know that already?). I was a loner when I came here. I never used to talk to anyone at all (So you are making up for that now?). In fact to be frank, my family was so conservative that I was told to stay away from all the other students here. They said stuff like I will get spoilt and all that (all what?). But then slowly I realized that people were actually good and the problem was with my family and not with the world (Is that why you buried your family alive?). Especially my best friend Shyam, who now works in the US was really very helpful (Oh ho!). I still call him once every month (Why? Didn’t he return you your money?). I found friendship over here that I believe shall last forever. (Let’s see)

Let me tell you something about the fun part (Take your guns out fellas!). Our group had eight people. And I see that most of them are here. Except Shyam of course! (May he rest in peace). That sparrow-faced girl sitting there. Third from the right. There is a really funny story about her. Could you just stand up and introduce yourself Madhavi?”

Madhavi stood up an said, “Hello people. I am Madhavi. How are all of you? (We don’t talk to sparrows!)”. She sat down after everyone replied “Faaaine” in chorus. Shyam’s best friend continued. “Once Madhavi was late to class. It had rained that day. The corridor was all wet. She came running till the entrance of the class and precisely when she was about to get into the class she slipped. And she slipped badly. To the professor who was writing on the board, it was like she was shot from a tank somewhere from outside and had come and hit the first bench (Way to go with being funny dude!). She hurt herself badly (Was that how she became a sparrow?). We laughed a lot that day (And so are we today!).”

“I just want to tell all of you one thing (You might as well tell one more). These are the best days of your life. After college, life becomes all about competition and you lose many things (You lost your humour I guess). So just remember that you have to do the just two things in your life at the moment. (Eat and drink). Study and enjoy. Now I would like to give the podium to the hero of our group. He was and still remains a very interesting personality (The only non-loser in the group).”

Another person got up. He looked very old and spoke with huge pauses in his sentences. Ideal for the whisperer.

“Ladies and gentlemen…… (That’s it?)……..Good evening. (Did he just take a seven second pause to say that?). Whatever Raj just said (was a lie)…. I mean whatever good he said about me (was the only truth that he said)…. wasn’t really true. (Told ya). He said good things because it’s him who is the good person and not me. (Could you two just cut it out?) Yes we did enjoy a lot in college……. But we never ignored our academics….. we never bunked classes (he just lost the non-loser tag)…..Today we are what we are because we lived rationally (Who told you to live rationally then?)…. We never did anything that we thought was wrong (Smoking and boozing isn’t wrong, right?)……. I am not a very active person right now because I have a throat infection (That’s sad)….. So I guess I told you what I wanted to tell you (Keep consoling yourself)….. So that’s all I had to say. Take care everyone (Look who’s talking). God bless you.”

And then there were many more speeches. And the whisperer went on and on. His jokes were sick. And this is nothing. You should hear him whisper in emotional movies. I will tell you about one soon. I think one day the whisperer is going to get publicly beaten up by everyone in the theatre (Really? I am so scared……….Go to hell man!).

Stone(d)!

I didn’t know what day it was. The vacation was going on. So all days were as good as a Sunday. I had just passed out of first standard. The summer vacation was the most awesome thing known to me then. I used to hang out with my guru and my competitor. I respected my guru immensely. He was the oldest out of us. He had just passed out of fifth standard. He was my role model. He actually used to wear full pants! I always wanted to wear full pants. All I ever got was a half pant that would reach only one fourth of the distance from where my legs started till my knees. I don’t know why they call it a half pant yet. And he was quite tall. I used to look up to him. Literally also. You could say that he was a hero for me. I still haven’t figured out why. I would have done anything for him. I remember we had once threatened a kid together. He wanted to be a part of our group. I bet he got so scared that he refused to be part of our group himself. Now that I think of it, I think he refused because he found out that we guys weren’t really as cool as he had thought we were after we threatened him! But the point was that I was totally in awe because of this guru of mine.

But life is never peaceful. I had a competitor. He also respected the guru as much as I did. He was in third standard and was taller than me but shorter than our guru. He was a real chump. We had loads of topics to fight about. The most touchy topic being who out of the both of us did the guru consider to be closer to him. We would argue for minutes and then start yelling or hitting each other. He would also have done anything for the guru. And being physically fitter and intellectually higher than me, he used to impress guru a lot. I hated him!

It was a nice evening. Guru had bought a new sling. And we were dying to play with it. But guru always had a way with everything. He said ‘To use a sling, you must both be first acquainted with the art of throwing a stone properly’. This was his typical way of talking to us. It made us respect him more. There were a few kids playing on the ground that was between two buildings. There were benches for people to sit on the edge of the ground. There was an old man sitting over there. He was just watching the three of us. I was confused. We weren’t cute like the other kids at all. We had loads of oil in our hair. And our skin was all dry because of the morning cold. We used to hang out with each other since the morning till late evening. I guess he was thinking something else and didn’t really know that he was staring at us.

‘It’s pretty simple. When I say one, you take this stance (enacting the stance). When I say two, you hold the stone more tightly in your right hand and twist like this (he twisted along the vertical axis). And finally when I say three, you swing your body and the stone holding hand with as much force that you have in you and let go of the stone.’, guru said. But chump here always had to ask questions. He never missed a chance to impress guru. ‘At what point do we leave the stone?’, he asked. How foolish! The reply also wasn’t smart enough I think. ‘It will come to you by instinct. Just close you eyes after step two and then do the step three.’ That time I thought this was a good reply. Then chump turned to me and said ‘Is the stone too heavy for you chotu?’. I hated that name and that sarcasm. I kicked him in the leg. Now that I am smart enough to think of a reply, I think I should have said ‘It’s only as heavy as your brain.’ He also was going to hit me back but guru stopped him. ‘Stop this both of you. Don’t you have any shame that you are fighting in front of me?’ I had once seen guru fighting physically with two girls. Funny of him to talk about shame to us.

So we took our positions. Me to the left of chump and guru a little ahead of us to the right of chump. He was just going to watch us do it. So he was facing us. He was around four feet away from the line of throw of chump. So we were all ready to impress guru. And also to see whose stone goes farther. Guru started counting.

One.

We took the stance.

Two.

We twisted and closed our eyes.

Three.

We swung our bodies and right hands as fast as we could. It was really difficult to tell at which point to let go of the stone. I just hoped I didn’t let it go late because I really didn’t want to miss this chance of impressing guru by doing it right. But guess what? In my effort to not be late, I had actually been early. And because of that, I missed guru’s ear by two centimetres. But that is only half of the story. Chump here was also thinking like me. He also had left it early in an attempt to not be late. Both our ‘instincts’ had been wrong unfortunately. And to add to it, chump didn’t miss like me. He had hit the guru right in the forehead. Before we knew, guru was on his knees howling in pain. A red liquid was dripping on the ground and was all over his hands with which he was holding his forehead. We had made promises to do anything for the guru. But both of us were just staring at the sight in horror. I think chump even tried to hold my hand. I don’t remember clearly. But I did see that old man running towards us. He grabbed guru and gave him a handkerchief. He then lifted guru and took him to a hospital leaving the two of us there alone on the ground. All the kids were watching us. We looked at each other and went back to our houses to tell our parents about it.

After two weeks guru was fine. Both chump’s and my parents had gone to his home to see him. We hadn’t seen each other for two weeks now. I had asked my mother to ask guru’s mother if she would let guru come to the ground to play with us again. My mother came back with a positive reply and warned me to be careful this time. That evening I, chump and guru met on the ground after a long time. If we were adults, it would have probably been a weird situation. But we didn’t know anything about ‘weird’ then. We just came there without any thoughts of the past. Guru had a dressing on his forehead. Chump was the first to speak.
‘So what do we do today? Did you bring that sling master?’
Guru was impressed by his apprentice. He spoke in that wise manner that he always used to speak in with us.
‘So have you two been practicing how to throw a stone when I was gone?’
If it weren’t for my respect towards guru, I would probably be rolling in laughter. It was weird to look at the dressing on his forehead and listen to him say that simultaneously. I controlled myself but couldn’t control a smile that came to my face. Guru saw me. And he smiled back. A blow on the head does teach people to be polite!

I slept very peacefully that night. I felt happy. Not only because guru was back and had smiled at me, but also because this smile was proof of the fact that I was closer to guru than chump. I had won. I had defeated a chump!

P.S : It's all fiction.

Petty things

I learned one thing today. I learned that things are so temporary. Everything I mean. Happiness,joy,sadness,anger,etc. I think it’s good that it is this way. It would be really difficult if things were permanent. Imagine worrying about your next bottle of milk for your whole life. That would be a really sad life. But I guess nature intended us to be the way we are for our own sake.

I remember when I was a kid,…… actually I don’t remember anything that I did when I was a kid. I just wanted the article to sound mature. But I do remember stuff that I did when I was thirteen years old. There was this kid in my class. Well you can’t really call that hell of a mountain a kid. He was this really hefty lad. I could have said that the earth shook when this lad walked around. But then that would be a hyperbole. Because you never know that what you just said could be misinterpreted by taking it literally.

So I am going to call this heavy lad ‘Drumstick’. I like to give people sarcastic names. And I think creating irony while calling people names is the coolest form of sarcasm. I know I sound as cool as a cow when I use the word cool. (For those who weren’t fast enough to get that one, a cow is a really uncool animal). So drumstick here used to bully me. He used to hit me on the head everytime he saw me. Be it in class or the dormitory(Yeah I was in a hostel) or even the bathroom! How does a decent person trying to come first in class react to that? (I know I just gave away useless information that I always tried to come first in class. But then I am too proud of the fact that I did come first after all. You tend to feel proud of your past success once it becomes extinct from your present.) So this drumstick used to hit me. All the time. I spent countless sleepless nights I remember. I used to make plans for the next day as to how I would spend the entire day without being spotted by him. I used to sit far away from him in class. And always behind his row. And the weird thing was that I actually succeeded. I had drumstick believe that I had gone home for five days! That happens to be my greatest achievement till date.

But then you can never be too careful. He finally noticed that something was wrong with his palms. They weren’t getting to dash themselves against some skull that was full of brain for a long time now. They missed it. And they sent the restlessness signal inwards which finally came to that huge mouth of his which then opened in front of the lad whose bed was next to me in the dormitory. ‘Where is that lil fella dude? Haven’t seen him for long now? Gone home is he?’. After two days the lad whose bed was next to me found ink all over his bed sheet and even the mattress. His pillow also had got some of it. It took him some real hard work to clean his bed sheet. Word has it that he was looking for me for help. But then I was never around. You think it was a coincidence?

But revenge doesn’t help to heal the wounds. It just makes the enemy realise that this guy that he tortured is seriously wounded. It had been five days since drumstick had seen me. It was a weekend. And he was all ready to see me that day. He knew I would be on my bed on Sunday morning. What he didn’t know was that under my blanket wouldn’t just be me but my radio also. Those small radios that you get whose antennae are as long as the body of the radio itself. I used to like Sunday mornings. I used to lie inside my blanket. The sun would be out and shining. The sunlight would be all over my blanket. That’s how I liked it. Made me feel that I am in the sun and yet protected. And the radio. Aah! I just loved to listen to that radio jockey chatter on and on about stuff that was totally useless. I didn’t get half of the stuff that they said. But I liked the way they talked. And the songs were also quite good. So I was listening to radio and that’s when it came. The hand that I had always hated. I felt it touch outside my blanket to find where my face was. And it had touched at the right place and found it. In the two second time that I had to realise what was happening, I took one second to realise what was happening. And the other second, out of reflex, I brought my radio in front of my face. And the hand struck.

I heard something break. But it didn’t hurt (yet!). It was the antenna of my radio. It was broken. And that’s when I realised that it did hurt me. I started crying instantly. Drumstick saw my face and ran away. I haven’t spoken to him ever since then. I cried for two hours continuously. The lad whose bed was next to me tried to console me by staring at my face continuously for those two hours. Kids don’t really know the meaning of consoling. I heard him explain to one of our other friend as to why I was crying. That was how I had found out that he was the one who had betrayed me. The person who had given away my location. Now I realise that he didn’t have the slightest idea as to what he had done. And I don’t think that he still does. Unless he is reading this!

That was such a terrible loss for me then. But now it seems so trivial. Now if I think about the radio, I say that I don’t give a damn! And when I think about drumstick, I miss him! Weird isn’t it? (Although I do think that I owe his clothes some ink!) I never took my revenge from drumstick. I was too scared to do so. But my point is, that was the time I was so worried about life. And now I am looking back at it and saying ‘You got to be kidding me for being so childish!’. So I think my current troubles in life will also seem trivial after a few years.

I just hope that I don’t look back and say ‘Dude seriously!What were you thinking when you started blogging?’