The Whisperer irritating.....

I once attended a class. It was a very innovative concept. I can’t describe it much. Because I couldn’t listen to everything that was going on. Because obviously the whisperer was present. We were all audience to a group of people who were taking the class for some time now. It was a promotional exercise conducted by the class management to get more people to join it. The whisperer seemed to be brought to the demonstration forcibly. It was clear that he thought that the concept was foolish.

Teacher : We have all heard that to be successful in life, you should (not attend such classes) take over your weaknesses. You should convert them into your strengths. Today’s class is going to help us learn to do that (A class to ‘help’ us learn? More like a class to ‘make’ us learn). Now, it is a pretty simple thing that we are going to do today (raise our left foot as high as we can?). To summarize it, we are going to listen to one weakness that each person in this class has. And we are going to suggest to that person ways in which he or she could convert them into a strength (What? You got to be kidding me). Let me give you an example (It’s like explaining your joke. Feels bad, doesn’t it?). Rakesh here has a weakness of forgetting things very fast (what was his name?). We all know how difficult it is to get him to remember when and where our next class is going to be (Oh! I wish I were Rakesh). So for his example, I might suggest a method to convert this into a strength. What Rakesh has is a gift (from?). A gift from God himself (Oh I doubt that lady). To use it properly, Rakesh must gain control over this weakness and he can then use it to forget only those things that he wants to forget (like his wife’s birthday). Say for example somebody hurting his feelings. We all know holding a grudge does us no good (it does to me). Rakesh can make it very easy for himself to not hold a grudge against anyone. Because he simply won’t remember the pain that person caused. Do you agree with me Rakesh?

Rakesh : Totally madam (hey! He remembered that she was a lady)

Teacher : So class, let’s begin to conquer our weaknesses (by running out of this room?). Starting from you Riya. What do you think is your greatest weakness?

Riya : Okay. I don’t know which one to say (oh come on. Spill it already). But I think my problem is that I am too self-conscious (of course you are. You are a girl!). I give a lot of importance to myself. I tend to get a little shaky in parties assuming that everyone is simply observing me (Shaky? So that’s why they say you dance so well?). Yeah. That’s it. That’s my greatest weakness.

Teacher : Very good Riya. It takes immense courage to acknowledge your weakness. And you have just demonstrated it. So class, can anyone come up with a solution to that now? Yes Sagar.

Sagar : What I think is our friend should start writing articles (could we talk about Riya rather than your friend) and short stories or maybe even a novel (going too far little boy). And she could do this in the first person. Everybody likes to read stuff that is in first person (as long as that ‘stuff’ is not a book). She will be able to describe her feelings really well because she knows quite a lot about them (apparently, that is the only thing she knows!). What Riya can write is something all of us think about us from within but are not able to put it in words. I think Riya can do it quite well.

Teacher : Excellent Sagar (Bravo Sagar). There you go Riya. Sagar just opened up a world of choices for you (now it’s your job to close it). You can start writing (What are you waiting for? The main character to form in your mind?). Okay let’s take the next person (and throw him out of the window into the garbage pit before he comes up with a stupid weakness). Tell us your weakness Sameer.

Sameer : Uh. Let me think. I am trying to come up with something that is really weak in me. Can I think for some more time? (I got it. He is slow in his mind. Maybe he should be a listener. That’s a great job. Doesn’t pay much though!)

Teacher : Sure Sameer. We will take Gautam in the meantime (open the window guys). Yes Gautam, you seem to be wanting to tell something really badly (or maybe he just wants to use the bathroom).

Gautam : I want to tell my weakness. My weakness is my anger (woah! Careful people). My loved ones keep telling me that I do the meanest things when I am angry (‘Loved ones’ seems to be a misnomer then). There was this time when I once threw a plate full of food out of the window because my wife had not cooked it like I wanted her to (I kinda like the Hulk more now). I don’t even remember doing this in my anger (maybe it was a dream. But then I guess yours came true!). But now that I look back, I feel like a moron for being so angry at her (Oh come on. You could do worse. Like shooting her in the eye with a bullet that you yourself make sharp by rubbing it on a knife’s edge which can be a backup in case she lives).

Teacher : That is very mature of you to accept it Gautam (In short, we agree with you that you are a moron). Other than the fact that you have realised your mistake now, I think this class will provide you with more suggestions on ways to control it (How about buying plates that are nailed to the table?). Okay then. Who has the solution? You can speak Jasmine (flowers don’t speak. Oh. Okay. Got it. My bad)

Jasmine : I think Gautam can be very good in the army. He can learn to control his anger and direct it in the right direction (yeah right. Next thing we know might be that he blew up our entire army over an argument about who is stronger : Superman or a battle tank?)

Teacher: That is a very innovative suggestion Jasmine. There you go Gautam. You can always be an army man (yeah. You have to just give a test and run like a dog on the ground for five years). Okay we have one more solution from Dilip. You can speak Dilip.

Dilip : Well I think anger is something that can’t really be controlled. I think
anger has to be destroyed. I think Gautam should go for anger management course (seems like the plate belonged to Dilip!)

Teacher : It is a person to person case really. This class is not meant to discuss each person’s private life (Oh thank God). We should provide them with options that they can choose. That was very kind of you Dilip to try and help Gautam (But who is going to help Dilip now?). Okay I think David has a weakness now. You can speak David.

David : I tend to take a lot of tension (What? Really? That is terrible? Will you be alright? Please talk to me. Loser!). Even small things make me very tense. Small things like a punctured tyre, some undone business, some disagreement (some new species of bird discovered?). It could be anything. I just worry a lot about it.

Teacher : That is a very common problem in our country David (sad). And we wonder why there are so many BP patients in our country (so we have finally figured out the reason. Now let’s figure out the cure). Okay. So has anyone come up with a solution? Yes Rohit. Please speak.

Rohit : He can take up a job which requires minute attention (like observing a dog hiding his bone?). Say for example he could be an inspector in a car-making industry (I think those jobs are already taken). Or any other industry which requires attention to detail (tell me one industry which does not!). Because it seems he won’t take deviations from standard values lightly. He will be very tensed about them. That’s what companies are looking for (yeah right. People who go berserk if one product has failed in an inspection)

Teacher : Very good Rohit. That was a very nice suggestion. Hope it helps David in some way (maybe he can calibrate his ears with the sound levels coming out of Rohit’s mouth). Okay. Sameer seems to have finally come up with something (Finally!). Please speak Sameer (For God’s sake Sameer, please speak now).

Sameer : I think my problem is that I am more of a words man than an action man (how precise!). My weakness is that I am full of words but my actions are not even close to what I say. I hope you get what I am trying to say (we are not fools now, Sameer)

Teacher : Definitely Sameer. And I think somebody already has a solution for you. You can speak Jasmine (I think he should be a sales executive).

Jasmine : He can be a manager or a sales executive (Huh? Am I that loud? I need to calibrate my sound levels myself)

Teacher : That was really funny and enlightening at the same time Jasmine (Thank you). Rakesh, you can speak (Was that a question or an order?).

Rakesh : (Isn’t he the guy with amnesia?) I think Sameer should be in the entertainment business. Like an actor or something. I think he will do good there (And I was expecting him to say ‘Where are we?’)

Teacher : Good one Rakesh (We will remember that. Unlike you). There you go Sameer. You have two options now. Okay class. I think that is all for this exercise. I hope you got the gist of it. We will be having this exercise once every week (why is everything bad called ‘exercise’?). Next week I want all of you to come with written weaknesses (That’s a good business for the paper industry). That will make this more organised (We can then call it ‘organised foolishness’). That is all for now class. We will meet next week. I will mail you the timings. Thank you. (Who is going to bring Rakesh?)

The whisperer seems to be losing his touch now. But then who cares? I never liked him anyways (That’s what they keep telling themselves on and on. Love me or hate me. But you cannot go without thinking about me)

Television

There is so much humour around all of us. Most of it is contained in a 14 inch box set on a top of a table in almost all houses. The box has everything in it. It makes people laugh sometimes and it makes them cry sometimes. There are always people who laugh even when the box intends to make them cry but then that is a problem with those people. Let’s not go into the details of those pathethic feelingless morons. Then there are times when the box makes wars that last for a lifetime.Wars for gaining control of the box using a smaller box. Wars between siblings, parent and child, parent and parent, child and child’s leaky friend from the neighbourhood and many more. The smaller box has to go through all sorts of hands : fair, dark, big, small, medium,hairy, very hairy, more hairy, gorilla hairy, holy moly hairy. Whoever commands the smaller box commands the bigger box. Provided the enemy is lazy enough to not get up and walk to the bigger box and control it from there. But then that is a given most of the time. The box is also known to make peace though. Peace between people who want the same thing from the box.

But it isn’t a wonder that there is so much war over the box. The box is priceless. It has a lot to offer. The ding sound that comes when you switch the box on arguably excites a person as much as the lub dub of the heart of a dying patient excites a doctor. When the sound comes, the body falls. Onto the couch into the hole that is shaped like a human. And then the thumb controls the smaller box. The bigger box in the meantime goes from a cat chasing a mouse to an airplane bombing a ship to three people singing and dancing with girls around them to a man telling you news to a woman walking towards you in a weird way to a host asking a man some questions to a woman walking towards you in a weird way to a host asking a man some questions to a woman walking towards you in a weird way. But it looks boring from the box’s point of view. All it sees is the guy scrolling the smaller box and at the same time looking around behind him and then again scrolling.

Then there are serials. When a person discovers something shocking in a serial, he is shown from all angles. His face comes in from the left first, then the right, then the top, then the bottom of the screen. I tried to figure out why they show it to us like that and it seems that they do it to give it a touch of reality, as in to make the viewers feel like this is happening for real. Yeah right! When we see a person shocked in real life, we turn our heads to the right and then to him and then to the left and then again to him and then we look down and then look at him and then we look up and then again at him. And all this at lightning speed. I would say that this would shock the person even more because our heads will just drop at his feet.

And then there are advertisements. Celebrities come in and tell you that they are good-looking because they use so and so cream. In other words, they are saying that you should also use this cream if you are not using it already. In other words, they are saying that if you are not using that cream, you are ugly. And you obviously are not using that cream because you don’t even know about the cream which is why you have been watching the advertisement till now. So finally, all they are saying is that you are ugly! And some creams even guarantee payback if you don’t see a difference in a few days. I wonder what that means. Does it mean that you are so ugly that even the cream can’t help you?

And then there are movies. I don’t even know where to start.

So I won’t start on them. Bye. Take care.

P.S: No offence to anything or anyone. I am rather expecting incentive from everyone mentioned for publicity. Except the leaky boy in the neighbourhood of course. He can have it for free. Just stay away.

Big Day at Work.

Life was good. Everything was going on well. The business was going good. Money was pouring in. It always does in my business. An economic boost and a recession are terms that I have only heard of on the T.V while going through news channels. I just knew that the people were tight on money. I wasn’t even going through the news channels on purpose. I was just flipping through channels when I came across these terms. But who cared for such terms? My business was free of such ups and downs. That is an advantage of being a thief!

I won’t say I was the best. Little Nicky was known to be the best. But I think I was better than him. His size was always an advantage that he had. He was a little man. He could make it through windows which were left half open or any other such openings. I could not. What could I do? I was given this huge body by the almighty. It would have been very useful in the old times where there were no weapons and a man’s strength would be decided by the strength of his arms. But the situation now is different. You see trolls mastered by men who can be picked up by their hair.

Anyways, let me tell you about what happened to me. There was this house that I had to rob. The man living there was rich for sure. He had a nice car and I had never seen anybody else going in or coming out of his house. He was rich and alone, an ideal target for two kinds of people – a single girl and a thief. I obviously fall in the latter category. He did have many friends though. He would greet many people on his way to his parking and also at work. Yes I did follow him till there. I am a professional. I choose my targets very carefully. Again I can draw a comparison to a single girl stalking him. But she would be looking for any bad habits and other girls that the target is going out with. I, on the other hand, follow him just to know his schedule. But in the process I do end up finding his bad habits and his girlfriends too! But then I don’t care about them. I am a professional you see?

So I knew this person would not return home till ten on a Friday night. I had made the whole plan. His house was one of those row houses, royal enough for him to be called rich. All the houses in the row were alike. His lawn was properly maintained. It was very easy for me. Once it was dark, I would just walk to the main gate and then climb and jump on the other side on the lawn. Then I would run to the main door of the house. Now here is the catch. Here is the reason why I had chosen this house out of the row of similar looking houses. This man had just assumed that nobody was stalking him. And he used to keep his keys somewhere in the bushes besides his door. I had seen him do that secretly. And that is when I had decided that he was my man. Normally I can get through closed doors without keys. But that would make a little bit of noise. I had kept that as a backup plan.

Finally the day came. I had long awaited this day. My nose itched a lot since the morning. Going through my previous experience, it meant bad luck for me. The last time my nose itched, the house that I was robbing went all bong bong! There were alarms installed. I had managed a very close escape then. But then I am a professional. I didn’t believe in such blind beliefs. I went to my normal place from where I watched his house early morning, just to make sure he was leaving. And he did so. And he even hid the key in the bushes. He was looking more cheerful than ever though. And he was greeting more people than usual. I didn’t have time to notice this. Probably a big day at work. I kept telling myself these words. A big day at work. Not only for him, but for me too. I smiled, got up and left. I would come back later in the evening and clean his house, if you know what I mean! I was all ready and geared up. I dressed myself in casuals. Everything was well planned I believed. I took a suitcase and started walking towards the bus stop. I took a bus till a stop near his house. It was dark already. It was almost eight. I just needed fifteen minutes to clean his house. I hid myself in a shade of trees in the darkness. Only the moonlight was there. I opened the suitcase and took out my uniform. A black flexible outfit to cover the body and a mask to cover the face in case there were cameras. I changed very fast. In no time, I was on his lawn and running towards the main door with the jute racks that I had brought in the suitcase. I had left the suitcase in the cover of the trees.

While running, my nose started itching worse than ever. And that was the time when my heart spoke to me. It asked me to turn and that this could very well be my last chance. I didn’t listen. I was a professional. It was a big day. For him and me. For the hunter and the hunted. I kept on telling myself that till I finally reached the bushes. Without making any sound, I just moved my hand through it. And it hit something immediately. It was a wooden box. My estimate was very accurate. I opened the box slowly. And there it lay. Silver and shining in the moonlight, my pass to get through this main door, they key of the door! How foolish could the man get? I looked around. I saw nobody. It was very dark. Even if there was somebody, there was no way they could see me. I put the key into the keyhole and turned. My nose was scratching a lot. But I was too excited. Big day at work. On the other side of this door lay a treasure that would be mine forever. As usual, I opened the door very fast, sneaked inside and closed it as soon as I was inside. All this at lightning speed. It was dark inside too. But as soon as I turned, the lights went on and around a twenty people were standing there and all of them went like ‘Surpraaaaaaaaaise!’

I am ashamed of what I am about to say. I got scared for sure. Anybody would. But I was so shocked that my heart beat rate increased ten times and the only thing that came out of my mouth was ‘HOLY MOLY!’ I don’t know what that meant. In fact I don’t even remember my exact words. I just remember seeing the complex expressions of a few people. I also remember taking two steps near the sofa. But my heart beat had increased so much that I passed out! Me, the greatest thief, second only to Little Nicky, fainted in front of twenty people while doing my work on the biggest day of my life. I fainted! But the words kept on going on in my mind. Big day at work, for him and me. Big day at work, for him and me.

When I opened my eyes, I was here in jail as expected. Now they tell me that the jail doctor is going to diagnose me for my “illness”. My reputation is all ruined. Initially I was the thief who was the second best. Now I am the thief who fainted! I guess I am going to stay here for quite a long time now. I will keep writing about my incidents as a thief though. And other thieves’ stories too. There isn’t much to do around here. They do give me a pencil and a paper to write though. And food to eat too. Food that you might call disgusting. But I like the food here. It’s for free after all. And for the first time, I am eating something that I have earned! Not exactly earned. But you could say I didn’t steal this food. That is as good as earning. The doctor is here then. I should get myself checked then. And as for my tragic incident, I guess you already got the catch. It wasn’t a big day at his office for him. It was his birthday! See you again then. Bye.

Summer heat.

Here it comes again.
The heat that causes so much pain.
It makes people who are sane,
Do things that are totally insane.

Let me give you an example.
I could even call it a sample.
A friend caught fire on his hair,
And he ran around here and there like a hare.
What, you may ask, was wrong with the sun.
Had he decided to have some fun?

Does anyone of you like Maggi out there?
That thing that looks like an ox’s hair.
Well, they can’t sell raw Maggi anymore.
It gets cooked right up to the core.
That is the amount of heat around here.
Saying this brings in me a huge tear.

Water-shortage problem no longer prevails.
Even though water-bottle companies see a drop in sales.
They have all started biting their nails,
Because the substitute used is the sweat of all males.

The greatest torture still remains.
It is worse than the beatings of all the canes.
Sitting in a lecture is what I am referring to.
Just sitting and absorbing heat there is what we do.
We think when the teaching gets steady,
Aren’t we suffering enough already?

Summer is here, summer is here.
Finally something that we all can fear.
But God still considers us all very dear.
So just enjoy as long as you are here!

Letter to God

Dear God,

I am writing this letter to you sitting here on the last bench of my maths class. I am really scared God. Please help me. I know I have not been praying for many days now and that I haven’t been respecting you too much. But Mummy always says that you do exist. I didn’t believe her. But somewhere inside me, I knew I did. I have always believed in you my lord. Please get me out of this situation. Please help me this one time and I will do anything for you. I guarantee that. Please have some mercy. These tears falling from my eyes onto this ruled page are not made up my lord.

I know you might be present somewhere around here but I will tell you the situation in brief just in case you have not noticed what’s going on. My teacher is making students stand up one by one and asking them how they solved each question in the homework that she gave a week ago. There are ten questions. I just calculated and found out that I am the tenth man in the line. I am going to have to answer the last question. I have read it my lord. But I have no idea what it is about. The only words that make sense to me are Tom, cake shop, cakes, cost of one cake, total cost, etc. Don’t you agree with me that this doesn’t really form a part of maths?

Oh my god! She has reached the eighth person. Please God. Do something. I don’t want to face her. Please lord. Wait a minute. Why is that new student late? He is saying something like he couldn’t find out where the classroom was. Chump! Anyways, please think of a way my lord. I have heard so much of you. Please apply your magic here. Yes, yes! Do that! Make me the eleventh man! Make the boy sit in front of me. The seat is empty. Yes come on. Make him keep walking. Yes that’s it. Almost there. Keep walking. Yeah right there. Sit. Sit. Yes! Thank you so much my lord. Thank you very much. I can never repay you back, my lord. I can never repay you back.

By the way, I hope you are not expecting me to pray and all that now. Thanks for the favour. But praying isn’t really my style. I hope you didn’t take that seriously. It was just a deal okay? Don’t feel sad. It’s all just business. Pure business.

Teacher: Hey you there. That boy behind the new student scribbling something on that paper. Give a summary of how all the questions were solved.

Spiderman

“I was watching Spiderman the other day. The movie is good. But what the hell is the deal with his girlfriend? In the third part of the movie, she wants Spiderman to give her more attention. I didn’t get it. The guy is Spiderman. So what if he is not giving you his time? As long as he is calling you his girlfriend, you should be more than happy. Come on, the guy can climb walls for heaven’s sake. He can stop a moving train without applying brakes. What more do you want from a guy?

And if this shocked you, listen to what our hero does when his girlfriend tells him that she is done with him. The guy starts crying! No no. Not crying. The guy starts sobbing! What kind of a fool is he? I mean….he knows that he is one hell of a person with super powers and all that. And he is using that to save mankind from evil and this tiny person is trying to stop him. I would say that his girlfriend is his biggest enemy. The green goblin, doc oc, venom, sandman can’t make Spidey cry. But this girl with no super powers is making him cry. The girl is not even special. Believe me. All she knows is to shout. She has those piercing screams when she is kidnapped by someone. The scream is so irritating that if I were Spiderman, I would save her from the villain, but only because I want to do the honour of killing her myself. That’s how irritatingly she screams. But I guess it’s understandable. After all being kidnapped by a person with four mechanical arms isn’t really an experience that I have.

So let me tell you about the crying baby here. I just couldn’t believe it when spidey started crying. Grow up dude! You can so easily move on. You can get a better girl than her anytime. Come on man! You got stuff just popping our of your wrists man. Girls love that kind of stuff! And you got a sixth sense too. You can sense when your girl is mad at you or not. You are an ideal guy to be with. Girls would kill for you. And about this present girl of yours, I say you must torture her. You are saving innocent lives here man. And if that girl of yours is trying to stop you by blackmailing you emotionally, you should just tie her up somewhere in your cupboard. That sticky stuff that pops out of you could prove to be handy here.

Talking of that sticky stuff, that’s an amazing thing man. You gotta tell me what it’s made of. I tried a lot of stuff at home. I tried mixing all kinds of sticky things man. I don’t wanna go into details. Just that if I ever get into trouble and you saved me, instead of writing that crappy note saying “ Your friendly neighbourhood, Spiderman”, you should rather write the composition of that sticky stuff.

And about that note that you leave all the time, I want to ask many things. Do you actually carry those notes in your pocket? And what if you fail to save someone one day? Do you carry a note for that situation also? Like maybe “Sorry. Couldn’t save you. Your friendly jerk, Spiderman.” And by the way, the note is a bad idea. One day a bank is going to get robbed and you are going to be busy taking care of that stupid girl of yours. The police are going to turn up over there just to find out that the money is missing and a note is displayed saying “Your friendly neighbourhood, Spiderman”! Thieves these days are that smart! The police are going to come after you obviously. Then don’t cry about the fact that the papers say that you are a masked menace and all that crap.

And finally, one piece of advice man. Change your suit. Please do so. Or else you are going to be called a freak jumping in crotch-tight pants all over the city all your life. And no girl is coming after you then. Then don’t cry again!”

P.S : No offence to the movie. Spiderman is and will remain to be one of the best movies ever made. One of my favourites.

The Whisperer - Award ceremony

I am interested in music. Once I got an invitation to attend an award ceremony. I was very excited about it. I dressed up in the best clothes that I could find and went to attend the ceremony. There were performances of singers also. Unfortunately for me, the whisperer was there. But he was mostly quiet in the beginning. I think he too is a fan of music. But then there was one performance by a young singer that wasn’t that good according to the standards of the whisperer. And so he got bored and started commenting after the performance was over and the female host started talking again.

“(What a crappy voice. The guy is a lion-tamer) Ladies and Gentlemen (What about me?). A big round of applause for the young singer (Let’s hope he doesn’t decide to sing another song!). That was a brilliant performance (She is a hell of a liar!). This itself shows the growing attachment of India to music (what crap!). Even the youth are now making brilliant performances (Yeah. Right!). And now is the time that you all have been waiting for (Are they serving food?) . The time to announce the best male singer of the year (Oh! Okay.). To present this award, we would like to call Mr. Ramdev, one of the greatest music composers in the country (Zimbabwe I guess. Never even heard of him).”

Mr. Ramdev was a very tall man. He was well dressed in traditional clothes. Looked like a typical music composer to me. He started speaking.

“All the nominees are so talented this time (so other times they are crappy?) that I guess it might have been very difficult for the jury to choose the best among these great singers. If I were to decide, I would give the award to everyone (That’s why they didn’t put you on the jury). But our culture demands us to compare everyone and select the best out of them (Obviously. This is the only way to identify who the losers are!). Although I don’t support this (we know you are just scared of losing), I think it’s fine as long as it is received in a positive spirit by all the singers (Look who’s talking!). So I guess I have talked too much (Did he hear me?). Let me get to the point (Yeah. The food). The award goes to………. (Oh come on! Just tell it. We gotta go to work tomorrow morning)

Samit Agarwal (WHAT?? THE CHUUUUMP).”

Samit was an unexpected winner. He was not my favourite. Turns out that same applied to the whisperer. Samit was a modern generation singer. Spiked hair, with a shade of green. The look was like he was a rock band member. But he was just a simple person inside gifted with great voice. He had been given a break by a renowned music director who he called Guru. And he was a little nervous person. Seems like he too was shocked. And he was a little weird. A perfect target for the whisperer.

“(What a peacock!)I can’t believe that I am receiving this award (Neither can we kid). I am absolutely stunned (so are we kid!). Okay I didn’t really work on a speech because I wasn’t really expecting to win (we also didn’t bring tomatoes to hit you with). But now that I have been given this award, I guess I am supposed to thank those who helped me (not really. You can just reject the award). Pardon me if I say something wrong (No!). I have never really done this (Yeah. We all have been doing this since we were born!)

So I must start by thanking my girlfriend sitting over there (Gosh! The new generation!). That pretty little girl giggling there (the joke’s on you chump. she can’t believe you won!). She was the one who, in the first place, believed in me and made me consider singing as a career (It’s all because of her then. Get her people!). My parents were not very sure about that but she somehow convinced them to let me at least try (that girl is getting to my nerves now!). If it wasn’t for her, then I would probably never take up singing seriously. (That’s it. I need to have a word with her!)

And of course my parents (the peacocks!). I guess today I have removed all doubts from your mind, haven’t I? (No son. We still don’t trust you) Now do you believe her? (no!) But I am still thankful to you too because you let me give it a shot (what do you mean “still”?). I guess we can drink beer together tonight Dad (Who’s gonna pay?). Don’t worry, I will make sure Mom doesn’t find out.(Dude! You just told her. Along with the whole world!)

And another sincere thanks to Guru sitting there. He launched me (who brought you back then?) and I can never do enough to thank him (You can by not insulting him publicly. The guy is scared to death). He is an awesome person (Nice start). Very cool. Never scolds you at all (That’s why you turned out like this!). Except for that one time in which I was late for the recording, I have never seen (his gun?) him angry. He made the atmosphere very friendly for me (hope you don’t mean literally!). He knew that I was new on the board and that I needed (to be disposed off) time and space (and money!). And he gave me exactly that (the money?). That’s why this award is also shared by him (don’t drag him into this). And I would also like to thank Innovation productions for all the money (is it over?). And of course the jury (they are a bunch of chumps!). I am compelled to say that it was a bold step that they chose me. (and a foolish one!)

And I thank all the people sitting over here for putting up with me with smiling faces (they are waiting for you to get down. You are soooo stabbed!). I hope to see you people next time also(Noooo!). Thank you. (Welcome)”

Poor whisperer. He was really disappointed that his favourite didn’t win. If you are reading this whisperer, you should come see me. I will console you. (Nice try! I don’t trust you!)