Philosopher

My end was near, I could almost feel it.
Lying on the bed, I just wished I could move again.
For all my near and dear, it was a sad time;
For I had made their lives and they had made mine.
‘The philosopher’ is what they had called me all the time.

I know I was scared, about the after-life;
But I had to let it go, for there was no other choice.
And then I could feel it nearing, the mourning getting louder,
Things started getting blurry, I thought something was trying to hold me.
And then it gripped me completely, I was lost for some time,
The noises started fading, and I knew it was over.
‘I will miss you all’, I thought,
Hoping that it would reach my folks somehow,
For I knew that I would never see them again,
Memories would be all that we would have.

The transition was painful, but another feeling gripped me more.
The feeling of curiosity, as to what lay beyond this.
And then I saw a white light, and it surrounded me all over.
It seemed like I was moving, but how was that possible?
I tried to move on my own, but it wouldn’t work,
I tried to look around, but nothing other than white I could see.
And then it stopped, leaving me at a magnificent place,
I looked around in amazement, and that is where I saw Him.
All the words I knew, could not describe His warmth
Was this what he really looked like, or was this just his form?
‘My life is over, my lord, and I thank you for making it a happy one,
What now?’ I asked my lord, for I wished to know further.

‘There is one thing to do, my son’, said the Lord,
‘One last formality before we proceed.’
I flinched at that, for I knew that this was it; the Judgement Day.
‘Tell it to me right-away, my Lord.
I am ready to accept whatever you give, for I have faith.
You are the sole Creator, and you are the best judge’, I said.

‘You have to live your life again, my son,
But this time as an invisible man, bound to your Self,
The world won’t feel you, and you won’t feel it,
And day and night, you have to watch your life
With you in it; exactly the way it was’, he said.
Confused with this kind of a judgement, I couldn’t take it anymore.
‘NO my Lord’, I said in anguish, for I had waited long enough.
‘I am ready to accept any judgement, my Lord’, I cried,
‘But please don’t make me do it all over again’.

And to that the Lord answered,
‘But this is for your good, my son.
I am giving you a chance to live the good times,
Live your life again, and enjoy it all over again.
Your mother’s warmth, your father’s love,
Your friends with those great moments.
The first time you ever laughed, the first time you ever felt love
The first time you ever made a friend,
Who you know would stay with you till the end.
I want you to live those moments again, my son.
I want you to see how you felt, when all of this happened
I want you to know for yourself how you lived it.’

I knew I had lived a happy life, I knew I would enjoy it all again
But couldn’t I get a few answers, before I went on my journey again?
For I thought I should not waste the opportunity,
Now that I had come so far.
‘My Lord, I thank you for giving me the pleasure again,
But before I leave, can you at least judge me?’, I pleaded.

‘No my son’, He said, ‘I can’t do that.
But I am going to leave that entirely to you.
In your journey this time, you shall discover your true Self,
You shall see your Self as you,
You shall see your dark side too.
The times when you cheated, when you spoke lies,
When you ignored the call of your brothers,
The times when you chose the shady path.
I want you to see your Self do that.’

Realising the Lord’s intention and yielding to it,
‘And what after that, my Lord?’, I asked,
About to leave for a long journey.
And that’s when God gave me his final words,
‘All your life, you asked me trite,
What is wrong and what is right?
For I never gave you the power to judge,
But today I give you that power, my son.
Whether your Self should be punished or blessed,
You decide for your Self.
It is completely going to be your own choice.
You, on the other hand, my son,
Can come back and be a part of me again,
The knowledge and wisdom that you earned,
Shall be yours forever.
And you, my son, my dearest son,
You shall be mine forever.’

And thus I left, for another long journey,
This time to make a decision for my Self.
I closed my eyes and felt something move.
And then there were noises, here and there.
I opened my eyes, to see my father standing.
A nurse entered the room with a baby, and handed it to my father,
My father looked at it and smiled.
A tear trickled down his eye.
I moved closer to look at the baby,
And happiness filled me completely,
When I saw myself as the baby.